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The Best Christmas Story Never Told



Episode Number:


Directed By:

Albert Calleros

Written By:

Brian Boyle

Originally Aired:

December 17th, 2006

Proceded By:

Irregarding Steve

Followed By:

Bush Comes to Dinner

DVD Commentary Available:



A.) Story[]

During the lighting of the Christmas tree in town square, the occasion is cancelled due to a ruling of not celebrating religious holidays on public ground. Stan becomes upset that it is no longer politically correct to say Merry Christmas, from buying a depressed Roger a .99 cent cassette of the greatest Disco hits to carolers warning houses of the "Holiday" rapist. Stan blames Jane Fonda, who he feels is responsible for stengthening the emerging Liberal movement by "humanizing the enemy" during her visit to Vietnam. He proceeds to trash the Christmas tree and decorations, upsetting the family, scaring Roger and earning a night on the couch. There, the ghost of christmas past, Michelle, shows up and brings Stan back to 1970, to remember the true meaning of Christmas. They witness Stan as a kid playing with an airplane in front of his family. But Stan makes a run for it to stop Jane Fonda from her future work in Vietnam by killing her during the filming of Klute. When he tracks Fonda down, he discovers that Donald Sutherland is really responsible for the downfall of Christmas by suggesting to Fonda to go to Vietnam. Stan, meanwhile, also meets Martin Scorsese and convinces him to quit drugs. Meanwhile, Michelle gets Francine to come back with her to find him. When they do, they return to present day to find America is now overtaken by communist Russia. Michelle determines that because Stan convinced Scorsese to give up drugs, he never made "Taxi Driver", therefore John Hinckley never watched it and became attracted to Jodie Foster so he never shot Ronald Reagan to impress her. Without the strength from surviving an assassination attempt, Reagan lost the election to Walter Mondale in 1984. When Mondale became president in 1984, he surrendered America to Russia after 47 days in office. The three go back and attempt to make Taxi Driver themselves; however Stan cannot work with Robert Deniro, but they figure as long as they cast Jodie Foster, it won't matter. Taxi Driver turns into a western starring John Wayne, where he desends from a taxi cab to kill Indians to save a captive Jodie Foster. The film is so bad that Hinckley doesn't end up obsessing over Foster. Stan must shoot Reagan, his hero, himself. In the end they go back to the present timeline where Stan fixes his earlier damage to the Christmas decorations and apologizes to the family. Michelle returns to give Stan a Christmas gift: A glock that she got immediately due to the now non-exist Brady Bill.

B.) Story[]

Working as a waiter in 1970, Roger finds a tape of the disco hits from 1974-1980 (that was meant for him in present day) when Stan drops it in pursuit of Jane Fonda. Roger uses the tape to create all the disco hits of the decade. As Stan is refilming Taxi Driver, Roger(in disguise as Roger Epstein) receives his first million from Clive Davis, after he shows him the song The Hustle. He begins throwing huge parties and doing cocaine while hoping he made his mother proud. Yet, as Stan is attempting to shoot Ronald Reagan, Roger is having a record cutting party. He finds out, from a phonecall from Larry, that he lost everything between the death of disco, bad investments and no one feeding the horses he bought. Roger attempts suicide by rollerskating himself out his window, but he merely bounces off of it. Back in present day, a still depressed Roger complains that he invented disco and has nothing to show for it. After Klaus tells Roger they're sick of the story and to get over it and move on, Roger agrees to. 


First Appearances[]